Sharing Values (post 5)

It has become my conclusion that the things that bind people together in relationships and communities are:
1) Shared knowledge (experiences/memories)
2) Shared values (preferences/morals/ethics)

Of these, shared values are more important.  When we think about who we want to spend our time with, we most often look to those who share certain preferences and values (perhaps right after considering how cute and/or funny they are...).

Not all values carry the same weight.  The most important we call morals.  We see how people's behavior changes when certain preferences (like being kind to animals) rise in importance to the level of morals (joining PETA and throwing red paint at people).

It is shared and unshared morality that is most prominent in making and breaking communities.

One might see that as a cause for concern - as something that would forever limit who we could or could not form communities with.  Luckily, it is my optimistic belief that most of us share morality to a much greater extent than at first glance we might ever believe.  I think that for most of us (with some important exceptions), if we were to truly get to know each other, regardless of religion or culture, we would find that our most important values - our core ethics - are very similar.

To test this optimism, and to further my goal of promoting the formation of relationships and communities, I encourage people to spend some time reflecting on what their deepest and most profound values might be.

When I do this myself, I come to a couple of important conclusions.

1) I value my own happiness.
2) My happiness is dependent on the happiness of others.

I am not selfless or altruistic.  I'm looking out for number one.  But I've come to realize that my happiness is utterly dependent on the happiness of others.  I am not an island.  I cannot sit in a room full of miserable people and be perfectly content - nor would I want to hang out with anyone who could.

Realizing this, I realize that it is in my best interest to look out for, think about and care about others.

Remembering this helps to guide me in my actions and decisions - and helps me gain confidence in my values without resorting to fundamentalism.  Obviously, there are a lot of situations/dilemmas where I need to make a decision that cannot be aided by this simple moral.  But there are a surprising number of situations where it is helpful.  Especially whenever I desire to hurt someone (which shockingly happens from time to time).

Without worrying about complicated ethical scenarios about whether it's OK to kill one person to save five, or if it's OK to lie if it's going to help someone - I think that if I could just get to the point where I never intentionally acted in an unkind or hurtful way due malice, jealously, fear or vengeance - then I think I would be doing OK.